The word itself just makes me CRIIIIIIIIINGE!!!

Okay…so we ALL know It's been a minute since I've posted anything here…
Truth is I'm not sure I have any readers remaining at this point but that's NOT gonna stop me from trying my luck with a TMI topic/question to see.

Y'all ready?
Okay…here goes…

Ladies…what are your thoughts on men who enjoy eating @$$???

I mean something about that in particular just grosses me allllllllll the way O-U-T!.

Maybe I am a prude???…I mean perhaps I just need to loosen up a little bit but I'm sure SOMEBODY ELSE IS as turned off by the thought as I am.

So I'm wondering...Would it be too hard a slap to a man's ego to tell him you wasn't feeling it and especially so when you notice he has a thing for/REALLY enjoys doing it??

Would you be SUPER side eyeing any man who does [have a thing for it???]

Seriously…I wanna know and don't y'all all jump to answer at the same damn time either.

For months, it has been my intent to update this blog…

A lot has happened since I last posted here and I'm sure it would have made a lot more sense had I taken the time to post as the events unfolded but because I am a consistently inconsistent slacker who neglected to, here goes [in a nutshell].

After breaking up with the man who once upon a time, I was convinced was the love of my life, I had a weak moment and went back to him. [hangs head in shame]

Against my better judgement, I tried to convince myself we could work through it <--- Love be havin' folk on some ol' bullsh*t SMH but it wasn't long before I realized I wasn't ready for all'a that as I constantly found myself revisiting the issue, I constantly accused him of continuing to do me dirty and the shit was basically just on straight REPEAT in my head AND in my heart. I kid y'all not, it was ALL I thought about and some days, it's STILL all that I do.

Long story shorter…I ended it again but that time, I did something equally stupid ---> ::Whispering:: I found me a rebound boo. *sigh

He was someone from my past. Someone who in my head having around was going to make the process of getting over my breakup "easier", Someone I was under the assumption I'd have great times MINUS the headache(s) and high expectations since I made it clear from the gate that I didn't want to rush into anything.

We did pretty damn good for a minute too but then, his super psycho surfaced and he had to GO --------> THAT'A way!

Dude was showing up unannounced. Callin' me whenever (and I do mean WHEN-EVER) he felt like it (just all odd hours of the day/night) -- He didn’t understand when I couldn't talk because I was at work or I was busy. -- He popped up places he knew I'd be BUT he wasn't invited to and he didn't take too kindly me co-parenting with my son's father. Mmmm hmmm…He was doing THEE most.

So yea. That was a fail and I'm JUST getting him to STOP stalking me. ::looks around nervously::

I started school and had a REALLY tough time keeping up…

I'm sure it had EVERYTHING to do with the fact that my personal life was in shambles. Not to mention I was OVER doing it as I was working ALL week, going to school ALL weekend and STILL try'na maintain my sanity through all the other madness.

In the end, I made it through the semester BUT only barely and now, there's all this pressure for me to bring my GPA up during the upcoming semester or I'm at risk of being academically dismissed.

I'm SO ashamed…

I'm mad at myself because I know I could have done better. That I should have done better. Hell I know that I CAN do better.

It's obvious that my bad decisions have led to bad outcomes and I've gotta exercise better decision making.
Aiight…Show of hands…How many of y'all were convinced that after three days of my posting back to back, that y'all weren't gon' see anything else from me for another few months??? [Mmmm hmmm…I be knowin'.]

The truth is I miss blogging and god only knows that there's a WHOLE lot goin' on in this here noggin'. LOL.

Today, I'm gonna post some of my random thoughts. [What's that??? You like to read em'?? [you say] -- Well good...cuz dammit here they go:]

  • It's crazy how much more open I feel like I can be online than I actually am in person. Case in point: Save for sharing bits and pieces of my failed relationship with Jazzy (over the phone), the only other person who knows about all'a this is my second born (whose proven to be a great listener and she gives great advice too) -- Bless her heart.

  • There's a new guy in my life. Okay…he's really not new (since he's been a friend all along) but he's there and he has really been amazing through all of this. I should be happy about it (after all, it's nice to have someone else around to help take and/or keep your mind off of old shit) but I can't say that I am (not even a little bit *sigh). Strangely enough, I KNOW this yet I continue to entertain him. I don't know…I might need some kinda mental help. It would be nice to understand why I do some of the DUMB shit I do.

  • It hit me (recently) that I've NEVER been single (well…alone) for any good length of time. What I mean is It's always been my experience In relationships, where I continually maintained friendships with dudes I KNEW wanted to be more than friends so that IF and WHEN EVER shit did fall apart, somebody else would ALWAYS be there. Does that make any sense?? Sometimes, I feel like its a coping mechanism I have for not having my dad in my life. -- Other times I feel like it's my own selfishness or maybe (just maybe) it's a combination of the two? ::shrug::

  • My kid is suffering as a result of this break up. He's acting up at home and in school and obviously believes that this is all my fault since conversations with his dad reveal its clear he still wants to be with me but that I'm the one who doesn't want to be with him. -- In my sons eyes, I can fix this. All I have to do is take his dad back and move back home. *sigh — So not only did I get dealt a fucked up hand here but my kid (who I'm tryin' hard to keep in the dark on the facts) ultimately sees me as the bad guy in this. -- Great.

  • I can't recall if I updated y'all on this but my firstborn (now a few months shy of 24) has finally went through with marrying her sons father [in prison] several months ago. I'm over it…I promise I am but they are in the process of being approved for conjugal visits and all of a sudden, my daughter is all gung-ho about having a daughter of her own. I say all that to say this: Don't be surprised if there's a post about another grandchild (before the year is out) because I sure won't be.

  • I've signed up to start taking college classes this Fall. I'm trying to psych myself out about it but the reality is, I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to keep up (considering the length of I've been OUT of school). Better degree…more money. Better degree…more opportunity. Better degree…happier me [or so, I keep tellin' myself]. -- Hopefully, I won't drop the ball. After all, my tuition reimbursement is dependent on my success. :)
  • I could have called him. I mean…It's not like I didn't have the number but the reality of the situation had kicked in and I won't lie, ya girl was devastated behind that bullshit. It's crazy how you can have a gut feeling something is going on yet still be in a complete state of shock once you confirm it but that's how I felt and BABY…it hurt!

    I didn’t speak to him until two days after my talk with her and thinking back on it now, I'm happy it happened that way because it gave me time to process it all. I cried like a baby, ranted, cursed the ground he walked on AND the air he breathed, I cursed the crotch he came from too --- Yea…I know his moms ain't have shit to do with it but that's just how upset I was and I cursed a whole lot more before finally getting angry.

    ::Cue that scene from Waiting to Exhale when Angela Bassett confronts her husband and says something like:: I gave you "X" amount of years of my life and you cheat on me with ANOTHER woman?!?!?! --- Mmmm hmm…THAT's precisely where my head was.

    Anyway, when he did call, I made sure to speak to my son first and when he hoped his ass on the line talm' bout how much he missed me I said it:

    "You are SO full of shit that it makes me sick!" [I said to him] "Did you call __________ and tell her you missed her too or did you plan to do that AFTER you called me???" --- The line went completely silent. So much so that I thought he hung up on me until I heard him mumble something to my son about stepping outside for a minute.

    "Hello…" [He said (after the pause)]
    Me: "Answer the f**kin' question ______ because I KNOW you heard me!!" --- Hell at that point, I was pretty sure the BLOCK heard me but hey…it was what it was.

    He replied by doing something I.CAN'T.STAND…He answered my question with a question (and a dumb one at that) which was "Are you going to believe her over me???" <--- This further pissed me off. I mean if I'm throwin' names at you now, you KNOW I KNOW what it is so WHY CONTINUE TO LIE?!?!?! MAN UP AND OWN UP TO YOUR SHIT YO!!! Despite the fact that I was beyond TIGHT, I laughed at his response. I don't know where it came from but I was pretty sure it was from my being all cried out and believe it or not, THIS N*GGA was STILL try'na explain himself…

    "She's a girl I know from work" [Oh…NOW he knows how to be honest??] -- "We started out as friends and it wasn't supposed to happen" [Ummm…NICE OF YOU TO FIGURE THAT SHIT OUT NOW!!!] --"I don't care about her…it was just a sex thing" [Mmmm hmmm…that's what they ALL say AND IF THAT'S THE CASE, WHAT WAS THE POINT BECAUSE YOU WAS DEFINITELY GETTIN' THAT FROM ME.] --- "I've been trying to break it off but she's always there…" blah blah mf'in BLAH.

    Lies and all, I was lettin' him live and then he said it: "I know this doesn't make it right but I've been tellin' you (for years now) that you don't show me enough attention or affection. Half the time, I can't tell if you care about me or not so part of you is to blame for this.

    YES…Y'ALL…THIS JIGGA had pretty much blamed ME for his bullshit!

    I can admit that, that part was true… In recent years he HAD constantly complained that I was "too emotionally-detached" but it's NOT that I went out of my way to be. Hell it's who I am as a person. My own children tell me that I'm not affectionate enough but does it mean I deserve to be cheated on??? I DON'T THINK SO!

    "You have a lot of fuckin' nerve…you know that?!?!? -- "I find out you're dealing with the next chick and all you can do is blame this on ME (like you're Mr. fuckin' Pefect)???" -- "If you were SO unhappy, you could have walked away but no…you're a typical n*gga who does typical n*gga shit [He hates when I call him the "N" word and I admit that I overused it ON PURPOSE] "and you just wanted to have your cake and eat it too! -- "What did you think…that you were gonna get another bitch and that was supposed to miraculously make me show you more attention/affection???" "Did you stop and think that MAYBE I don't show your ass no attention/affection because I had a feeling THIS was the case??? --- "Spare me that ol' THIS- IS-ALL-YOUR-FAULT bullshit!!! --- "It's a wrap for this…it's a wrap for US! You wanted somebody else??? (well now you got it) BE WITH THAT BITCH!"

    Our call got disconnected before I could continue. Apparently, the calling card ran out of minutes but that was just the beginning of MANY phone calls in which I cursed/cried and questioned him while he begged/pleaded and KEPT trying to justify his actions.

    Well folks…I could go on but I won't stretch the story another day with more long/drawn out detail [LOL].

    I packed up the kids, am renting an apartment not too far from where I used to live and I hate it. I'm STILL crushed by all this but I'm dealing with it a lot better now than I was a couple of months ago. We've sat down and talked face to face but I'm STILL really angry. He claims to have called things off with ol' girl but he obviously doesn't deserve an honesty reward so...

    Right now, our kid is back and forth between homes and is hurt not to mention confused about what's going on but guess what…That makes two of us.

    THE END.
    I held onto this chicks phone number for a few days before using it. Strangely enough, I thought long and hard about how I planned to approach the situation because I just knew in my heart, that I had been right about this all along and once I confirmed it, it was going to change everything.

    I have a google voice phone number --- (I use it when I wanna call someone that I don't want to know my personal number] and that's what I used to initiate the text message in which I simply said:

    "We don't know each other but I'd like to ask you a few questions (woman to woman) just the same. Do you know a guy named SHIT FACE I mean… ________ and are you involved with him now or have you ever been in the past?"

    Homegirl must have been sitting with the phone in her hands because I SWEAR it wasn't even 15 seconds before she replied by saying "I used to…why is there something wrong???"

    Satisfied that I had the lead I needed not to mention that she didn't come out of the side of her neck (like SOME b*tchez be try'na do) but still wanting to feel her out, I kept the message going. "Did you know he's in a relationship with someone else (ME) also???"

    She wasn't as quick to respond that time [NO SURPRISE THERE] but when she did, she replied "it sounds like we have some of the same concerns, do you want to meet up and talk?".

    Truth is, I wanted to FIGHT but NOT with her. It has always been my stance that if your man is side steppin', you need to take that shit up with him NOT the woman he's creepin' with and who probably doesn't even realize it but again, he was out of the country at the time and I knew good and well I had a better chance at her letting me know what it was than him.

    "No…I don't want to meet up (I replied) but I'm more than happy to discuss this over the phone if you have some time to talk" to which she quickly responded by asking me to call her.

    The conversation was awkward for the first few minutes but I basically put it ALL out there. Told her how long we've been together, that we live together, have a kid together…my relationship with the family…THAT I WAS OBVIOUSLY NUMERO UNO YA KNOW *EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY IN MY HEAD… the works. Turned out they work for the same company (which is also how they met) and she knew about my son because she met him before. STOP.THE.FUCKIN'.PRESS!!!! <--- WORD?!?!?! She had "heard bits and pieces about me too" most of which was bullshit/very little of which was true. <--- Y'all already KNOW how n*ggas do.

    Long story short, she KNEW we were together a really long time but according to THAT DOUCHE BAG ______ I never made time for him "so it was always like I was there but I wasn't there" <--- LYIN' ASS LIAR!! She KNEW he loved me and would always have love for me but according to that piece of shit him, HE chose to walk away because in recent years, he didn't feel like I shared the same sentiment. <--- UMMM…MORE BULLSHIT!! She KNEW of the closeness I shared with his family and that's why she never pressed him about meeting them "out of respect…for me". <--- Wait… WHAT?!?!?! She claimed that I was the subject of plenty of their arguments because she felt like if we were REALLY over, she should be able to meet me but HE didn't think it was a good idea. I'm listening to her the whole time and I'm trying hard not to be mad but COME…THE…FUCK ON. I mean… I know I've been out of the dating game for a minute now but even I know that these are ALL LIES men tell you to get the drawls!!! <--- Are they NOT???? During our convo, I learned a few things about her too. She has a son (also my son's age). She's a few years younger than I am. <--- Well ain't THAT about a bitch?!?!?! She's "deeply religious" and met that idiot _______ during a time when she was celibate and had vowed to take a break from men and she REALLY didn't see them getting past being friends". <--- Mmmm hmmm and I'm PETER FUCKIN' PAN "She would have NEVER let it go there HAD she KNOWN we were still together." <---- NEVER MIND that I think there were ENOUGH red flags for her to realize this MIGHT be the case. She asked me how I found out about her and since she was being SO cooperative with me I told her about getting into his voicemail/hearing her message. I also told her about the nail I found in his car (which shut her ass STRAIGHT UP) so I'm just gon' go ahead and ASSUME it was hers and she felt ashamed about it AS WELL SHE SHOULD since last I checked, press on nails are NOT what's hot in these here streets. I also learned that she broke it off with him a couple of months earlier. WHY??? "Because she had enough of feeling like she was a secret" and she felt like she was wasting her time considering she had walked away from not one BUT TWO marriage proposals HOPING they would "get more serious". I wanted to ask her SO bad that if that was the case, why the fuck she was STILL callin' but again I'M SUCH A FUCKIN' LADY AND, my beef is with him so…I let it slide right up off me.

    Before ending the call, I told her I was grateful that we spoke [Hell…truth of the matter is, I REALLY was considering she made SO many things make sense to me]. I told her that I planned to let him know we talked and that she KINDLY confirmed everything that it was OBVIOUSLY TOO HARD FOR HIM TO DO and she was pretty cool with that too. <--- NOT that she had a choice. For whatever reason, she felt the need to assure me OVER AND OVER that "she was REALLY done" and she was SO sorry about everything. She told me I could call her anytime if I needed any more information.

    Armed with all the info that was about to change my life, I sat back and waited for this fool to call me so I could get in that ass BUT since this post is ridiculously long ALREADY and writing it made my blood boil ALL over again, I'll tell y'all how THAT in a different post.

    I won't bore you all with long/drawn out detail but the bottom line is, I had my suspicions that something was going on and I wasn't going to rest until I found out what.

    I first went about it like an adult should…I spoke with him directly, told him my concern(s) and asked him if there was any truth to them BUT like the lyin' ass LIAR he is CAN Y'ALL TELL I'M STILL MAD?!?!, he denied it all, tried to make me feel like I was overreacting "off of nothing" and of course, he continued to LIE to me until I uncovered the truth myself.

    Exhibit A: Was a fake fingernail (that I found in his car)…yes y'all, a fuckin' fingernail…LIKE WHO THE FUCK STILL WEARS PRESS ON NAILS?!?!?!

    I approached him with what I found (once again, giving him the opportunity to just give it to me straight) and what does he do??? PLAYS DUMB. Tells me he has NO idea where it came from, who it belongs to OR how it (of all things), it managed to find it's way into his vehicle. He even went so far as to give me some song and dance about recently dropping a friend and his wife off at the airport and it (the nail) likely being hers. <--- BULLSHIT…BULLSHIT…and s'MORE BULLSHIT! Mind you, I KNOW he's lyin' (he's a TERRIBLE liar) and especially so, when you're in his face BUT I decided to just let him rock while I dug deeper…

    Fast forward to December now when him and our son take a trip to his native country -- (a trip I was SUPPOSED to make with them but opted NOT to since A.) I had plans to travel with my girls the month afterward and B.) I KNEW I would have ample time to make sense of all this bullshit).

    I'm sitting at home…bored as fuck and listening to a friend of mine (whose also in a bullshit relationship with some dude — except she's married to hers *SMH) when she tells me about cracking the code to her hubby's voicemail with the help of a website called spo.ofcar.d[dot com] and I think BINGO!!! I'ma try that. Ridiculous that I have to go to that extreme (yes, I know) but the shit was effective in the long run so that's all that matters. Well…it was at the time.

    I went ahead and bought some minutes from the site…
    Called his phone using this spoofcard (setting it up whereby it appeared that I was calling his phone from the handset itself) and just like that, I was IN his voicemail box.


    One by one, I played his messages making sure to SKIP them at the end so they would playback as "new" if/when he checked his messages again (a trick my friend who passed on the tip seemed all TOO familiar *sigh).

    I was hopeful (at first) -- I made it through 6 voicemail messages ALL from male friends, 3 voicemail messages from a company offering to lower his mortgage and 1 from his sister before getting HERS

    "Hey (she said) I keep trying to return your call but I keep getting your voicemail so call me when you get this". -- Yea…yea…I know it didn't spell out that they were dating/fuckin'/or whatever but hey you never know (and remember, I ALREADY had my suspicions) so as far as I was concerned, it was good as gold.
    I grabbed a pen, jotted down her number and kept it because I knew it would come in handy eventually.

    Without thinking, I disconnected the call without skipping the message.
    Realizing the error I called the voicemail right back ONLY to realize IT and all the other the messages I was certain I'd skipped through were all deleted (which told me, he had JUST checked and cleared his voicemail).

    How's THAT for perfect timing???

    It's been damn near a YEAR since my last blog post. <-- Proof that I have a life OUTSIDE of the interwebs (whisper smiley photo: Whisper whisper.gif or SO I try to convince myself).

    It's been a craaaaaaaaaazy 10 months during which I've grown further apart from my family and lost a couple of "friends", I discovered "my man" was someone else's and I packed myself and my children up/moved out of the home we shared and into a tiny apartment in an area that I HATE with.a.passion.

    I'll probably blog about it all (at some point) but today, I ONLY have it in me to give you the short version. After all, its Monday…I have a migraine again, PLUS the pink eye and I'm STILL at work for another 7 hours. thud smiley photo: thud thud-faint-smiley-emoticon.gif

    So now that I'm FINALLY caught up with this challenge, I'll try to spend the next two weeks doing them LIKE I'M S'POSED TO one by one ::whispering:: BUT you probably shouldn't hold me to that though :).

    As instructed, I put my iPod on shuffle and these were the 10 songs that played:

    (1) Better caan wuk — Vybz Kartel

    (2) Right through me — Nicki Minaj

    (3) Lonely — Bascom X

    (4) Dis Gyal (Nah Go Play) -- Swappi

    (5) Romie — Beenie Man

    (6) Super Man — Eminem & Dina Rae

    (7) She's Mine — Barrington Levy

    (8) Open Up — Vybz Kartel

    (9) Ashton Martin Music — Rick Ross ft. Drake and Chrisette Michele

    (10) All My Love — Marcia Griffiths

    That's all folks!
    Day 12: [Something I don't leave home without]:

    That's easy…(1) my chap stick, (2) my iPod, (3) a pack or at the very least, a pocket FULL of tissues and (4) my blackberry.

    Day 13: a few of my [Goals] in motion:
    (1) Clearing up my credit history/paying off ALL the debts I accumulated as an irresponsible young adult.
    (2) Saving more and spending less so when I'm eligible to retire, I can do so without worrying myself bald about how I'm going to survive.
    (3) STOP setting unrealistic goals. I admit I have a horrible habit of doing this knowing damn well there ain't a snowball's chance in hell I'm gonna put em' in motion.

    Day 14: [A picture of me last year and how I've changed]:

    I think it's safe to say that I've packed on a few pounds since then (mostly in my face) and there's NO SURPRISE THERE considering I'm CONSTANTLY shovin' SOMETHING into the hole in it! LOL The dark rings around my eyes (a trait I inherited from my mom) have gotten a bit darker as well but aside from that I'm pretty much the same ol' ME. ::shrug::

    Day 15: [Death row meal]:
    For the record, let me state that I hope I'm never ever…ever…ever EVER on death row but for the sake of playing along, this is what I'd request as a last meal.: A venti caramel macchiato with whipped cream and extra caramel from starbucks, a box of entenmann's pound cake and a pound of bacon (preferably boars head) browned to perfection and dripping with Mrs. Butterworths syrup. Yes...I'm aware of the amount of calories in that "meal" but if it's the last one, it shouldn't matter right??? #right.

    Day 16: [My opinion about my body and how comfortable I am with it]:
    For the most part, I'm satisfied with what god gave me…

    When I was younger It drove me CRAZY that I didn't have more boobs and that the I-must-increase-my-bust-exercises I did religiously weren't workin' but over the years (specifically when I sprouted hips and an ass) it didn't bother me as much.

    I STILL hate my WIDE and weirdly flat nose...wish I could drop a few pounds from my mid section and I will admit that I'm pretty conscious of my gap toothed grin but otherwise, I love me.
    Day 10: Something I'm afraid of:

    I'll be the first to admit that the idea of aging really…REALLY scares me…

    I'm fearful of growing old and the possibility of being alone. I'm fearful of ailments that come along with growing old(ER) and the thought of having to rely on someone who might think of me as a burden. I'm fearful of growing old and the effect that gravity has on the body when you get there. Hell I'm fearful of growing old and dying altogether BUT since it's Friday and there are much happier things to think about, let's move on to...

    Day 11: A few quotes I love:

    "Whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you're right."

    "If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling." LOL

    "Good, better, best…Never let it rest, until your good is better and your better is best."

    Day 8: A place I've traveled to and a place I want to travel:

    Not many years ago, I'd have been quick to tell you that I don't travel anywhere you can't get to via GROUND transportation because THATS how petrified of the very idea of flying I used to be. After realizing however that I wasn't ever gonna get anywhere far not to mention, the odds of a person dying in a vehicle accident were far GREATER than that of a plane crash, I slowly put my fear aside and discovered what today is one of my biggest loves…traveling.

    I love the caribbean…LOVE IT y'all! Hence the reason I've been to Trinidad and Jamaica multiple times and I wouldn’t hesitate to go AGAIN.

    I mean…what's NOT to love about all that warmth and sunshine, those beautiful stretches of beaches, the greenery…good food/homemade fruit juices and more importantly, how gorgeous SOME of the men are??? If I have it my way, I'll travel to every island in the caribbean before I leave this earth. Yep…every one.

    Aside from the caribbean, I'd like to go to Vegas someday SOON. Can't say I'm much of a gambler so the casinos won't be of much use to me but I'm sure there are plenty of other ::ahem:: "interesting" things to get into in good ol' sin city.

    Day 9: A favorite photo of a friend:

    So...I'm not gonna post a photo of my BFF y'all. <--- I know…I know…juuuuuuust like me to fugg things up by NOT following the rules. #sueme LOL

    Truth of the matter is she's ridiculously camera shy and would DIE if I put her pic up here ::whispering:: either THAT or she'd kill me and since I love my life as much as I love my homie, sorry folks but no can do.
    I suck at challenges! <--- There...I admitted it. ::whispering:: NOT that y'all needed me to considering I neglected to post for the past THREE days.

    I got GOOD news, I'm making up for it by posting days 4, 5, 6 AND7 together. Smart right??? Yea...I thought so too. :D Anyway, here goes…

    [Day 4: My parents:]

    As mentioned a couple of posts ago, my biological father made the decision NOT to be a part of my life...

    My mother however went on to marry my brothers dad (who legally adopted us) and treated us like his own so I never felt like I was missing out on anything and it wasn't until MUCH later in my adult life that I even bothered wondering why some other dude had to do what my father should have.

    I loved my mom and my adoptive dad both but i was a mamas girl ALL day. She and i were SUPER close and i'm happy we had that type of relationship because I didn't have her in my life for long as she died when I was 19.

    My mom and my adoptive father had separated before then BUT he STILL came around and provided for us just the same. #blesshisheart He remarried (not long afterwards) but died (four years ago) and there you have the story of my parents.

    [Day 5: A song that inspires me:]

    "Imagine me" by Kirk Franklin

    [Day 6: Pet peeves: ]

    I won't lie…this is a topic I can post about FOREVER but today I'll keep it short and sweet. These are some of my pet peeves.
  • Watching or listening to someone chew with their mouth open [Noisy eaters in general!]

  • Dirty keyboards.

  • People (particularly grown ones who are SUPPOSED to know better) who sneeze and or cough but don't cover their mouths.

  • Public spitters <--- You.NASTY.mofos!!!

  • Unexpected and/or uninvited guests.

  • Having something tossed/thrown at me. <--- I am NOT a dog.

  • Ridiculously loud cell phone conversations. <--- Why do people feel this is necessary anyway?!?!?

  • Potty mouthed people who make NO effort to stop cussin' in front of small children or the elderly.

  • [Day 7: What makes ME happy: ]

  • Living to see another day and having the health and strength to get through it.

  • Having a job that helps keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth.

  • Showing and of course, receiving unconditional love.

  • My children, friends and family.

  • Being blessed with the ability to type this post. <--- Really though…Not everybody is as fortunate.

  • Knowing that somewhere, somebody out there is reading this and smiling EVEN though, they don't plan to comment.

  • Even tho' it happened to me more than 20 years ago, I can still remember it like it happened yesterday...

    I was 16 years old when we met...[a lil' young buck if you will] and THAT CRADLE ROBBIN' BASTARD??? Oh he was every bit of 23.

    If my mother had it her way, he'd have gone to jail -- [Hell...he'd have been buried UNDER the jail]. Truth was she wanted nothing more than to bring him up on charges seeing as how I was a minor [in the eyes of the law] and he was....well a grown @ss man!!

    However, a couple of run away attempts and suicide threats later [yeah...dude had me OPEN LIKE THAT...straight playin' myself] she finally reneged and you couldn't tell me from that moment on, that he and I wouldn't live happily ever after...behind her back that is.


    Head over heels, I spent every free moment I had with this dude and at 16, there really wasn't much since I was still a student, I already had one child and was still livin' under my moms' roof [so you know that meant I was working overtime to find ways to fit a brotha in].

    A little over a year into what I was under the impression was a blissful relationship and conveniently, not long after I gave myself to him, he sprung the most hard to swallow words on me I had ever heard up until that point and that was "that he had a WOMAN [his daughters mother to be exact] but I could still be his girl"-- IF I could do so with the understanding that I would NOT replace her anytime soon [if at all] or something to that effect -- Hey...I said he was a bastard didn't I?? [Yea...I meant it.]

    I that moment, feeling a pain worse than labor. My heart felt like somebody ripped it from my chest and was stomping all over it! Even today, I can't put into words how bad hearing him tell me that hurt me.

    A self respecting woman [KEYWORD being: W-O-M-A-N] would have said fugg that...fugg this...and most importantly, fugg him but not me.... I was "in love" so I was even willing to do that to keep him and just like that, I agreed to the position of second best] -- WHAT A FUGGIN IDIOT I WAS!!! Surprisingly enough, I was dealing with it and pretty well too. I mean...I guess it helped that I never saw her and he never spoke of her in my presence.

    My mother had zero knowledge of all this...but I'm quite sure I was THE LAUGHING STOCK OF ALL THE FOLK IN MY NOSEY @SS NEIGHBORHOOD who DID know what it was. I didn't give a fugg tho' I was loved and in love and that's all that mattered or at least that was the case UNTIL... I WOULD BECOME PREGNANT.

    I ADMIT IT [I stopped takin' my birth control/got pregnant on purpose in the hopes of trappin' a brotha off AND IT WAS WRONG OF ME]. I convinced myself tho that if there was a baby between us, he'd leave his woman and be with me because I loved him THAT much. O_o -- UH NOT.

    Common sense should'a stepped in and made it clear to me that if he already had her, and she already had a child for him [yet he still managed to find time/room for me] that there was no way I should expect for shyt to just up n' change if I were to become his main squeeze but common sense LEFT THE BUILDING A LONG TIME AGO & QUITE FRANKLY, LOOKING BACK ON IT NOW I'M QUESTIONING WHETHER IT WAS EVER THERE AT ALL so of course, that meant I had to learn the hard way.

    I waited well into my 5th month before I sprung the pregnancy on him just as I was leaving his house one evening and without hesitation, without asking me what I felt--without asking me how far along---without us coming to a mutually agreed upon decision or hell him even sayin' let's talk about this another time, he promptly told me "I needed to get rid of the baby"...and expected that to be the end of the discussion too.

    Needless to say I protested loudly...and things got somewhat ugly but I still held strong...told him "it was my body...that I was having the baby whether or not he approved and if it meant him leaving me...if it meant him leaving us [like he threatened he'd do] then FINE...SO FUGGIN BE IT"!!.

    Little did I know he'd do exactly that leaving me and my daughter [who I did give birth to by the way high and dry FOR YEARS to follow].

    That my friends is the story of my "first love". No happy ending included. Pretty sad but it's true.
    Unlike LOTS of people I know and have the pleasure of teasing today, I didn't/don't have many nicknames and the few that I do are pretty mediocre if you ask me.

  • Liv -- Is a nickname (well...a shortening of my actual name) that my family and close friends call me.

  • Libby -- (although LESS common) is another nickname some of my family members call me as well.

  • Ollie -- Is a nickname I've been given in recent years but is reserved for a select few of my coworkers. <--- I hated it at first but now, it's grown on me.

  • "O" -- Is a nickname my male friends call me.

  • Do-dee -- Is another childhood nickname I had and HATED with.a.passion. As a matter of fact, I have this ONE family member who would jump at the opportunity to tell you how/why I was given this nickname but since I ain't him, we'll leave well enough alone. lol


    If you're a regular reader, I suppose you wouldn't need a long introduction of who I am but in the event that anyone is just tuning in, here's something short:

  • My name (6 letters long): Starts with an "O" and ends with an "A" -- If you're not BIG on guessing games however we'll stick with "Ms. Behaving". Fair enough??? Yea…I thought so too!

  • My age: I'm thirty somethin' and …despite the dark circles under my eyes, a gray hair or a few and, what my birth certificate says I plan to stay that way FOREVER!

  • My whereabouts: I'm from thee BEST Borough in New York — There…that shouldn't be hard to figure out right??? Right!!!

  • I 'm a mom of 3 -- 2 girls (who are now young adults *thank god) and 1 boy (whose dyin' to get there) and I'm happy to announce that about 77% of my sanity is STILL in tact.

  • If you'd like to learn more, please feel free to check back as again, I'll be doing THIS 30 day blog challenge for the month of May so I should be posting something new about myself everyday!



    15 interesting or NOT so interesting things about me:

    1. I hate my nose…I think it's WAY too wide for my face and as such, I developed a habit of making sure I take photos at an angle (preferably one highlighting the LEFT side of my face). It's my signature pose in almost EVERY photo and I'm sick of it yet I won't stop.

    2. My significant other has ALL the qualities I once hated in my mother's boyfriend and I vowed I'd NEVER accept in my own. I'm still tryin' to figure out how the hell THAT happened.

    3. I hate rings…even when I was married in the eyes of the law, I never wore mine. I often say that my next husband is going to be lucky he doesn't have to "wow me" with a huge diamond because I probably won't wear it anyway.

    4. I've never gotten into a physical altercation with a female…Never. Sadly tho I can't say the same about a man. SMH

    5. I've never dated outside of my race but if I did, Adam Rodriguez dude who played Bobby Talercio (Hilda's Boyfriend) on Ugly Betty could TOTALLY get it. Yep! ::swoon::

    6. I often get confused for being my daughters' sister instead of their mother. It feels damn good too! lol
    7. The ONLY time my socks match is when I have a doctors appointment. G'head…#judgeme.

    8. Once upon a time I had a dream that Bizmarkie would be mine and we were gonna make lots of beat boxing babies too. Yea…moms always DID say I sho' could pick em'. LMAO

    9. More than HALF the stuff in my handbag is useless to my everyday life BUT I leave it in there/carry it anyway because without it, my bag would be flat as hell.

    10. I buy things I don't need and keep things I don't have any use for. Could I be turning into a hoarder?!?!?! O_O

    11. The Color Purple...I'm pretty sure I can quote this ENTIRE movie word for word.

    12. Speaking of movies, I've never watched the movie "Roots" in entirety. Nope...NOT once.

    13. I had SUCH a horrific labor experience with my firstborn that I wrote out a will because I was CERTAIN I was going to die.

    14. I know they are necessary but I STILL think feet are absolutely disgusting!

    15. I don't know my dad...Never met him a day of my life but I'm CERTAIN this NOSE is his. Have I mentioned how much I hate it??? UGH.

    And on that note, until tomorrow...
    ::screamin':: ((((((HEEEEEEEY YOOOOOOOUUUU GUUUUYYYYYSSSS!!!!!))))))
    In an effort to get back into the swang of this here bloggin' thang I, like the homie Thoughts of a southern gal whose blog is over HERE have decided to try my hand at the May blog challenge (shown below). Yep!:
    ::whispering:: We gon' pretend I don't have a track record of takin' FOR-EVER AND a few weeks to finish these m'kay. Kay. ;)
    …those were the words she spoke when I finally decided to stop ignoring her calls at or around 2 am.

    Me: *still half asleep: "Hello"
    Her: *with even more attitude than the first time: "Who's this?!?!?!"
    Me: *sittin' up in bed: "Excuse me
    Her: *screamin' into the phone like she was speakin' to someone with hearin' problems "I said…I wanna know who the hell this is!"
    Me: *wide awake now: "Ummm…you callin' my house…I should be askin' you that."
    Her: "Well this is Malik's girlfriend and son's mother Shonda…" [<--- She said that shit like it was supposed to mean somethin' y'all LOL] -- "I wanna know who this, where Malik is and why the hell you answerin' his phone that I pay the bill for?!?!"

    I don't know why but in that instant, I totally pictured her exactly like THIS:

    Me: "You got the wrong number hun…there's nobody here by that name."
    Her: *super sarcastic-like "Whatchu mean there's nobody here by that name. (???) I know what I dialed and I need you to tell Malik that he betta STOP fuckin' wit me and get his ass on this phone before there be some problems."
    Me: "Look…Again I'ma say…there's nobody here by that name."

    At this point, she gets quiet. I'm guessing a light bulb went off and chick decided to look at her phone to make sure she dialed the right number. Ol' bobble head ass bioooootch!

    Her: "Oooooooooh snap…you know what…I'm sorry Miss. I dialed the wrong area code but otherwise, you have the same phone number as my son's farva" (<--- that's how she pronounced it y'all). "I'm sooooooooo sorry.


    I wanted to get in her ass. Not only did she wake me up from a peaceful sleep but she was callin' MY house at a booty call hour with some n*gga shit.

    Her: "Its just that….well….you know how these men do and I needed to make sure my baby farva wasn't laid up with one of his otha baby mothers."

    Me: *staring blankly at the phone before disconnecting her call and sayin' a silent prayer for her ol' silly ass.

    ::shakin' my damn head::

    Lately, I've been urging my daughter to do something with her life.

    She'll be 21 [tomorrow]… TWENTY.ONE y'all and while I'm happy she's finally made the decision to apply to community college, she's been out of work for months now and she hasn't shown any interest in finding another job. Why??? Because she thinks "all of the jobs available to person(s) who have her current level of education and work experience are NOT what she considers her ideal job".

    I sat down with her and I explained that there's gonna be a time in her life [AHEM…NOW] where she has to take a job that's not ideal. Hell truth be it told, MOST people have worked a job or a few they didn't like or love but they did for the money and or work experience but she hasn't been open to the idea.

    If that's not HEADACHE enough, she's developed a habit I canNOT stand where she's up/on her laptop ALLLLLL night long and sleeps until the late afternoon hours when IN MY OPINION, she should be out there fillin' out applications or doin' something else more constructive with her time.

    Have I mentioned how it bugs the hell out of me to have to get up out MY bed in the morning only to see her just nestling into hers in a house that I have to contribute money for gas, electric, cable, mortgage and FOOD that obviously, she gets to reap the benefit of while she's home/layin' on her butt all day???

    Don't get me wrong…I mean I don't expect her to work full-time [considering she's going to be taking classes soon] and I don't expect her to fork over a ridiculous portion of her paycheck when she does find another job either but ummm…yours truly didn't get to sit on my ass at twenty one and I sure as hell ain't about to let another [able body person] who lives under my roof AND off of my dime do it either.

    "Friends" think I'm overreacting. <--- they USUALLY do…

    They say she's still young and has plenty of time to look for work….That she's a good kid and I should be happy she isn't out running behind boys and partying/hanging out like most girls her age.

    They're right…I AM happy she's the child [well…person] she is. I just want her to be MORE ambitious and I'm willing to PUSH no wait…SHOVE her in that direction IF NEED BE.

    There's nothing wrong with that right??? Right.
    So…I'm walkin' the kid to school this mornin' when this nappy headed/snot nosed/dry faced kid whose lookin' over his shoulder/talkin to someone behind him ends up slamming into my son's shoulder.

    They're kids...I don't really expect him to apologize but it was his fault so I thought it would be fitting if at the very least, he mumbled the words "my bad" and kept it movin'.

    Well…in true nigglet fashion, that didn't happen…Instead, the future hamburger flipper decided to show his @ss…

    "Yo…don't bump into me my nigga! -- I'm an athlete bitch…you betta watch where you're goin'." <--- That's what he yelled over his shoulder.

    My son and I turned to look at him and immediately afterwards we looked at each other and just laughed at his lil' DUSTY ass.

    Apparently he wasn't expecting this so to further prove that he should have been flushed down the toilet, he dropped his pants AND briefs in the middle of a fairly crowded block, cupped his peen and told me to "suck his d**k."

    Now I won't lie...I wanted to dodge in his direction and drop kick his lil' ass on the spot I mean… yell something equally offensive back at him BUT…I had to remind myself that he was a child and likely, a product of his environment. Furthermore, it was more important for me to teach my son something HIS parents obviously failed to teach him <--- RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR.
    I have a friend whose been dating this guy for the past few months and she's happy with him (well...for the most part...)

    He's gorgeous and has NO kids, he has this big time job, he owns multiple cars and property, and everything she asks for, he hasn't hesitated to provide it for her BUT of course, there's a RED FLAG...

    In addition to her thinking "something is just off with him", there's not ONE person she's introduced him to that hasn't questioned his sexual orientation (behind his back that is).

    They've shared kisses and touches, but haven't "done the do". She's assured me that it's not because he's not trying but moreso because she's holding out while she tries to find a way to approach the subject without offending him soooooo...I've decided to reach out to YOU, the people to ask for suggestions on how she should proceed.

    Thoughts anyone???
    I'm B-E-A-T y'all . Truth be told, the last time I got a good sleep was last week Saturday and y'all already KNOW how passionate I am about nighty nap time right??? Right.

    For some reason, I'm having some weird ass dreams lately...

    Last night I had a dream that this dude who had no face was trying to kill me!!!

    In the dream, he's dragging me all over the place and although I feel like I can take him, I'm not making any effort to stop him. WTH????

    He's angry with me...REALLY angry but no matter what he does to hurt me I.WILL.NOT.DIE.

    Nope...I ain't even goin' out like that!!

    In the dream, he shoved me off the roof of a building BUT I survived...He repeatedly held my head under the water in an attempt to drown me BUT I survived that too. When he realized his previous attempts didn't work, he shot me several times in my chest and head and while I remember everything going black at that point, you better believe I was STILL breathing.

    The night before that I had a dream I was pregnant...

    In that dream there were two dudes BOTH who had no faces <--- Can anybody tell me WTF that's about?!?!?! Both of them seemed to be convinced (despite my cries that I knew neither of em' mind you) they were my unborn baby's father.


    Then, In another dream I had a couple of days before that, I was the only one on the planet and was walking around in complete darkness. Naked and crying uncontrollably.

    To who??? I have no idea.
    For what??? I have no idea.
    WHY??? I.HAVE.NOOOOOOOO.DAMN.IDEA but I WILL say I looked pretty HAWT naked!!! LMAO .

    I'm tired. Confused. ...and want nothing more than to go home, shower and hop in my bed for a GOOD night's sleep.
    Okay...Can I go home now???
    I'll be the first to admit that no one was more worried about my son starting a new school than I am/was.

    I worry because my son is a REALLY quiet kid. He's not tough like some other boys his age, THIS IS THE YEAR THAT PEER PRESSURE STARTS and this is his first experience in an all boy school and...well...we ALL know how kids can be these days O_o.

    Today, he called me with good and bad news...

    The good news is he took the initiative and made a couple of "friends" -- HOORAY!!!

    The bad news: His class had to be evacuated because some kid A STUDENT IN HIS CLASS at that bragged to some kids in another room that he brought a knife to school.


    The kids bag was checked and the knife was recovered thank god but when they attempted to talk to him about why he was carrying it in the first place, the kid took off running and left the damn school.


    I'm trying NOT to panic. Trying to reason that maybe he's one of those kids who think carrying a weapon is cool but he wasn't really gonna put it to any use but the reality is I have to wonder what the hell a 12 year old is thinking/going through in order to do something like this in the first place AND ESPECIALLY SO WHEN HE'S A STUDENT IN A SCHOOL I SEND MY CHILD.

    Trust that I'll be up with the sun tomorrow to get to the bottom of what is going on here.

    And to think it's just the first week of school...
    I can just imagine what the rest of the year will bring.
  • I borrowed my son's iPad recently and found out after cleaning up the history ---> and by that I mean BEING NOSEY that he's been searching google for "How to find a girlfriend in the 6th grade". He's 11 years old for cryin' out loud...this is JUST his first year of middle school. I mean...shouldn't his mind STILL be on cartoons, video games #nshyt???!

  • I suddenly don't feel so bad for putting him in an all boy school. Nope!!!

  • ...And UGGH @ the sh*t people attempt to find answers to on google.

  • I had a whole 57 minute convo with my daughters dad yesterday and not once did I have to cuss, raise my voice or remind him what a deadbeat dad he's been. <--- That was weird. #Totally.

  • Ummm...who knew inmates were allowed to use facebook??? How come nobody put the bug in my ear??? ...And the bigger/more important question here is: Why the hell did my ex-husbands brother whose in prison send me a "friend request"???? Boy...bye!

  • The man wants me to cook every night y'all talmbout "he don't eat leftovers". Lately, I've been doin' the damn thang in the kitchen but every night tho??? Yea...*yawn that's gon' be a problem REAL SOON.

  • Speaking of cookin', did I tell y'all I put my FOOT in some jerk turkey wings the other day??? Hate to toot my own damn horn but ummmm... They came out grrrrrEAT!!!!!

  • Since we got the new place, I can NOT curb my urge to shop for it. Seriously, all those curtains, dishes, rugs, towels, sheets and other household knick knacks...::whisperin':: they be callin' me maaaaaaaaan.

  • Am I wrong for constantly REMINDING my daughter that she SWORE she was movin' out as SOON as she turned 18 yet she'll be 21 in two more months and SHE'S STILL THERE??? No right??? #right
  • Who goes school shoppin' the day before school starts back??? <--- Me...that's who. *I.swear.I.make.ME.sick.sometime*

  • There's no more sleepin' late. I have to be up/off my bed at 6 am now that the summer break is over and school is back in session. No one should have to be up before the sun rises and especially not ME. UGGH.
  • ::whispering:: ...Then again, me breaking my sleep for anything is STILL a problem. LOL

  • Livin' on my own makes me realize how good I've had living with the man's family over the years. Do I miss them???? HELLLLLLLLLLLLLZ NO!

  • How come whenever I'm prepared for the rain, it never comes??? Now I'm walkin' round in these heavy/hot @ss rain boots.

  • Friday...where are you??? As usual, I am ready to go HOME!
  • Sooooooo...I think I'm starting to feel some type of way...
    Why (you ask)???
    Well folks...this is gonna be a little bit TMI but since I know deep down that you care to know, here goes ---> ::whispering:: than I do.
    Remember a couple of months ago when I mentioned that Cinnamon (my female cockatiel) had laid not one, not two and not three but SEVEN eggs over the course of a week???

    That's right y'all...SEVEN!

    Well I've neglected to keep you all posted but after several weeks of anxiously waiting and watching each of em' hatch, NOT nary ONE of em' survived and do you know why that is???? ---> My birds are so busy fuggin' that they suck at parenting!

    I kid y'all NOT...They don't sit on the eggs. As a matter of fact, they shit on em' *literally. They don't tend to em' once they've hatched. NOTHING.

    Now before you go blaming me, you should KNOW that I've done my part. I've gone out and wasted all this damn money buying all these different bird books so I'd know exactly what to expect when my birds were expecting. I've wasted more money on a nesting box and other nesting materials try'na keep mama bird comfortable after she's laid "X" amount of eggs and I'm thinkin' the punanny gots to be all hurt the hell up. I've conditioned myself to deal with the stench of their cage because I found out AFTER they ate one of their children that we aren't supposed to touch or move em' or the parents will reject them. I buy them the best foods, vitamins, bird treats and toys and what do I get for all my efforts besides a shitty cage filled with a bunch a dead babies that I have to clean in the long run??? #NOTHIN'.

    Did I tell y'all that before I left for my more recent vacation the damn birds decided to give me a parting present??? Wanna know what it was???? Suuuuuuure you do: 9...more...eggs!!!!

    Disgusted over how they treated the first seven I did nothing. Instead I made up my mind that I'd just leave for the two weeks and see what happens while I was gone. Well...When I returned from my trip and found that NONE of the obviously NEGLECTED eggs had hatched, one by one I removed them from the cage and tossed em' in the trash.

    There...that oughta show her I am NOT to be phucked with! (I thought)

    SURPRISINGLY after I did so, mama bird decided to come down off her perch and walk around the floor of the cage (the same cage her children once sat NEGLECTED) while giving me the eye as if to ask "WTF have I done with her babies".

    See how much nerve she got?!?!?!

    I speak to my birds like they can understand me so I actually knelt down to her level and explained to her that since she's been a bad birdie and she's NOT taking care of her kids that I'm not letting her keep them. her damn BIRD face!!!

    Tell me why NOT even a full half an hour afterwards they started getting busy again.

    ...And an hour after that, they did it again...
    ...And five hours after that, again.
    ...And before I fell asleep they did it, AGAIN.

    The end result???
    She's laid ANOTHER egg and at the rate their fuggin (which is every five minutes) I got a feeling that there will be a lot more where that came from.

    UGGH...I give up.
    Maybe I should have just bought my son a fish cause I'll be damned if it don't feel Birds gone wild up in this biotch!!!
    I know I've said this before but this time, I really can't believe it's been sooooooooo long since my last post.

    I haven't been up to much since. Let's see...

    If you follow me on twitter and/or are my friend via facebook then you already know I went on a two week vacation to Jamaica and LOVED it ( for the mosquitoes, goats, bull frogs, roosters, red ants and little lizard like thing-a-majigs I spotted almost EVERYWHERE) . Next time I go I plan to be kid F-R-E-E- though and hopefully, THAT time I'll remember to bring lots and lots of bug repellent because it's obvious that they can’t resist me .

    I was rushed to the ER because I was certain my high cholesterol had caught up to me and I was having a heart attack when the reality was that I was suffering from acid reflux. Ummm...soooooooo NOT the business but I'm thankful I was seen immediately, it wasn't nearly as serious as I thought and that Zantac worked quickly in taking my chest pain away.

    The man and I painted and furnished all three bedrooms!
    I absolutely LOVE the way the house is coming along. At some point, I'll update with photos but since y'all know how I roll, y'all probably shouldn't hold me to it.

    I had a yard sale in my own damn yard and managed to make a pretty penny too. Need I mention that you never really realize how much unnecessary sh*t you have until it's time to move???? Sheesh!!!

    We found tenants for the basement..A working couple who have no kids and no plans to have any anytime soon <-- (his words). LOL. They SEEM like cool people but we'll see and of course, I’ll keep you all posted on that one.

    We've slowly started moving in and have had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of “fun time” there LMAO.
    I know...I know...with all the talk of me having it up to --->HERE<---- with the mans family, you'd have thunk (and yes I did type "THUNK") this would be top priority BUT surprisingly enough this isn't so. Besides, there are about two (possibly even three) more weeks before the work on the ground floor of the house will be done and once that's taken care of, we’re in there.

    Anyway, that's all I got for now. Gotta think about all I need to prepare for Hurricane Irene and on that note, y'all be safe this weekend!
    When I was a young teenager, there was this girl in my building who was DYIN' to hang with me and a group of girls I rolled with on a regular basis.

    We were hesitant to welcome her into the fold though...::whispering:: She wasn't that easy on the eyes, she smelled bad no wait...she straight up STANK and there were rumors in the hood that both her and her slightly older sister slept with any and everybody so...we ain't wanna risk getting a bad rep on account of hangin' with her.

    Try to avoid her as we did however, she was persistent in her quest to be down. She stole from her mom and bought us shit from the store with the money, she stole from stores, offered to steal for us directly and she stayed tryin' to invite us to her house because her mother was almost never home.

    Slowly but surely, she succeeded. It took her a minute to make it happen but she started to hang tight with us.

    Needless to say when we got our first bright idea to cut school, we chilled at her house and the same could be said of the second, third, fourth, fifth and however many OTHER times we did.

    We caught on quick as to WHY she smelled the way she did...Her house was filthy and that's putting it nicely -- (I'm talkin' bout shoes, clothes, trash, toys, books, paper and all kinds of sh*t all over the place) and now that I think back on it, I'm pretty sure they were hoarders of the worst kind. At the same time, with her mom being gone and her sister forever being at some dude's house we could eat, sleep and chill and not worry about being picked up by truancy officers so we dealt with it. She even gave us a spare key (but warned NEVER to use it unless she gave us the okay to do so).

    Gradually, we went from cutting a few classes towards the end of the day to skipping school entirely and of course her house was the hang out spot. To this day, I don't know WHERE I got the idea but as the five of us sat there one morning after downing steak um sandwiches and koolaid while listening this song I opened my big mouth and the dumbest words came out...I said: "Hey...why don't we help _______ clean up".

    Surprisingly enough, all the other girls were down so we teamed up/spent the whole day cleaning up this chicks house/tossin' sh*t in the garbage and it was a damn good job we did indeed.

    At 3:15 like clockwork, we left. It was time to head home/smile in our unsuspecting parents' faces like we did sooooooo many OTHER days not knowing that this day would be our last at her house.

    That evening I got a knock on my door and when I looked through the peephole it was HER and her mother! *GASP* -- My first instinct was to ignore em' but since the knocking kept getting louder and was drawing attention to everybody else in the house I had to open it.

    She stood there with tears in her eyes. Looked like she was cryin' for hours but wouldn't look at me directly (only the floor) while her mother demanded to speak to mine. *GULP* -- I told her to hold on...pushed in the door and prayed for a miracle while trying to think of a plan but my nosey ass stepfather (who was no damn joke) was hellbent on finding out who it was.

    I don't recall hearing what she said to him but I know he let her in and that I was told to go in the room while they talked. When it was all said and done I walked away from it with a royal ass whuppin' (I couldn't sit comfortably for like 2 weeks), a couple of months of punishment and the promise that if ever I stepped foot in that ladies house again, I wouldn't live to talk about it.

    Since we all lived in the same neighborhood everybody's mother got a visit and the end result was similar.

    It wouldn't be until months later when we finally started talking to her again that we found out her mother wasn't mad about the fact that we were playing hooky in her house, that her daughter hooked us up with a spare key, that the older sister was leaving the younger one unsupervised so often or that we were eating up all her damn food but she was devastated that we cleaned up throwing away some of her most prized possessions. O_o.

    I say all that to say this: Obviously, that hoarding is some REEEEEEAAAAAAAAL SERIOUS shit! *She found me on FB recently and sent a friend request BUT the memory of that ass kickin' coupled by the echo of that threat that's STILL in the back of my head is preventing me from approving it though. LMAO*

    Oh the memories...

    Despite the fact that I have so much to be thankful for (A.) my health and strength, B.) a new home, C.) a steady job/paycheck, D.) family/friends who love me and E.) most of my sanity ), lately I've been miserable on the inside.

    I don't know if it's a feeling that comes with age or that I'm seeing so many friends doin' big things that it has me paying closer attention to self but all of a sudden, I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I haven't accomplished anything. least, NOT enough.

    It's crazy how time flies but I'm just realizing we've been living at the mans mom's house for exactly 10 years. Yep...TEN. ::shakin' my damn head:: That means for a decade I've been afforded the opportunity to pay next to nothing in living expenses and instead of making a conscious effort to save so I'd have something to show for it in the end, I basically spent the time blowing through money.

    Don't get me wrong, that's not to say that I don't have anything put away for a rainy day but it's not nearly enough as it should be/could have been.

    You're probably thinkin' I'm overreacting AGAIN. Sayin' to yourself "didn't you just contribute to the purchase of a new home???" when the reality is all of the money used for the down payment and closing costs of was from the man's pocket. All of it. I mean yes my name is included on the deed but let's face it, if for any reason, we decided to end things today or tomorrow rightfully I, who made NO monetary contribution would end up being assed out.

    If that's not headache enough, I'm equally unhappy at work where for the past few months, I've felt overworked, underpaid AND also, unappreciated.

    I already work for more folks than any other assistant in the building for the same damn salary and someone recently put the bug in my ear that when my coworker (another assistant on the floor) retires next year, the plan is that I'll be working for HER boss as well. I haven't been able to address this with my bosses. The person who told me wasn't supposed to and of course, she begged me NOT to lead on that I'm aware so the shit has been eating me up.

    I don't know what their plan is...I'm hoping it's to sit down/talk with me about this added responsibility complete with offering me a pay increase but something tells me that's NOT going to happen. As it stands, when she's out or away I fill in for her anyway so I feel like they just think their going to shove the shit on my plate and expect me to eat it.

    Obviously, I need to think of a plan and not only that, but execute it. UGGH!!!
    It took us long enough...lawd knows it did but the man and I are officially homeowners.


    It's been a few weeks since we signed on the dotted line for a 3 bedroom/2 bathroom home in the Canarsie area of Brooklyn. It even has a full basement that we plan to rent ASAP.

    I absolutely love the area... We're on a quiet/tree lined street, have a decent size backyard...Enough parking space for two vehicles and the neighbors seem nice ::whispering:: a little on the nosy side but there ain't too many places you can go to avoid that in this day/age. LOL

    We're moving in ---> (albeit slowly). The man who is so anal about perfection that I'm convinced he was supposed to be born a woman sometimes wants it to be perfect so he's doing all this electrical work, having new floors put down/carpets replaced (because the previous owners owned a dog and I swear I can STILL smell him) and several areas of the house (ie, the kitchen, dining room area and our bedroom need new paint jobs.

    Guess what he's leaving up to me??? G'head...I'll wait...

    FURNITURE SHOPPING!!! WOO HOOOOO!!! ::whispering:: Just like a man to flake when it comes to shopping but as long as he leaves his wallet behind I ain't mad. LOL

    I've attached a slideshow below. NOTE: Im'ma need y'all to excuse the clutter/holes/exposed wiring/dust/mess and random knick knacks all over the place (for it is still a work in progress) but's mine I mean... ours. ;)

    I have so many topics to blog about today:

    A.) The fact that we finally have our home BUT the man is now KILLIN' himself to add all these finishing touches to it BEFORE we move into it. <--- UGGH!!! #thisn*gga

    B.) The fact that I have two children who will be celebrating birthdays this month (in the coming days to be exact)...

    C.) The jerk who completely humiliated his girlfriend at the train station in front of dozens this morning.

    D.) My sudden desire to change my career path yawn Pictures, Images and Photos BUT...I'm savin' em' all for next week!

    Right now, I'd like to get off my chesticles ::cough:: COMPLAIN ABOUT ::cough:: my recent mini vacation to Virginia with a friend and our children.

    Now...The plan was for the trip to be fun yet easy on the pockets so when we found a deal on a 2 bedroom suite @ $250 per person which was $500 for me and $1,000 for her (because she had to pay for herself and her three children whereas I had to pay for myself and my son) we hopped on it.

    Bear in mind that this deal also included tickets for unlimited access to Busch Gardens and Water Country for the duration of our 5 night stay so all we really had to have money for was transportation to and from where we would be going, food (to cook at the resort) or while we were out with the kids at the theme parks and if we so desired, souvenirs for our children, family and/or friends.

    Well...for whatever reason, it really bothered my friend that "it was so easy for me to provide the things my son asked for". She pretty much voiced that because she couldn't afford to buy everything her kids wanted (because again, she was there with three kids in tow while I only had one) that I could have been more considerate of her financial situation/done a better job at refusing my son some of the things he asked for.

    Now...y'all KNOW how hard I go for my son right??? #right -- The kid is rotten but ONLY because between his father and I, we can afford for him to be!

    Granted, we planned the trip at the last minute and neither of us are ballers BUT had I been in a situation where I knew it would be a financial strain on me, I would have declined the offer to go on the trip or at the very least, asked if we could push it back until my finances would allow me to do more but I would NEVER ask her to do the same.

    Her daughter is my godchild so while she didn't flat out say so, I think that she thought I should have offered to cover the expenses for her as well but in MY opinion, that's something we would have had to have established up front and we did NOT so...she couldn't have possibly EXPECTED me to right???

    I mean...I was there tryin' to show my kid a good time just like the next person so why should I have to deprive him of something because she couldn't afford to do the same for her children??

    I don't know...maybe I'm not being rational here but what say you??? Should I have been more considerate of her financial struggle by making my son go without?? Is she in the wrong for expecting me to or are we BOTH wrong here????
    If y'all leave it up to me, I'll never finish this 10 day challenge so when I noticed the homie shesayswhatever came up with the idea of cramming three days of into a single post, I just had to steal it! Well... jump on the bandwagon.

    In an effort to keep this as simple as possible, I decided to stick with three films/movies that I love, have seen hundreds of times and can quote word for word which are:


    I don't care what my kids say, in MY opinion, they never get old.

    Okay, onto the next ---> two songs...

    I had the hardest time narrowing down just two but again, I opted for old favorites of mine which are:


    And last but far from least, here's a photo of ME that I just snapped using my office computer:


    ...lookin' like I'm try'na pass a mean one. LMAO
    I hereby interrupt the 10 day blog challenge to BRAG ABOUT *AHEM announce how proud I am that my son has graduated from elementary school.

    Suuuuuure I could complain about how we were asked to be there for a graduation we were constantly reminded would begin "promptly at nine" BUT didn't start until 10:38 OR...the woman sitting in front of me who blocked what would have been a perfect view had she NOT brought fifty eleven oversized helium balloons with her OR... the two degree hotter than hell auditorium it was held that had a maximum capacity of about 150 persons when there was at least three hundred and ninety three in attendance OR...the two big ass stand fans they had on BLAST which not only drowned out the sound of the obviously low budget microphone BUT did absoFUGGINlutely nothin' to cool off the small and again, overly crowded auditorium I saw more than a fair share of little girls in heels too high for em' to walk and don't even get me started on some of their mama's and mamas' mama's whose outfits were fit for The Happy Hooker Hotel BUT...I won't. Well...not this time anyway.

    Total time spent (in attendance): 3.5 hours
    Money spent for the occasion: $380
    The look on my son's face when it was all said and done
    and he KNEW me and his pappy had to go home so he and his lil' friends could have the "REAL FUN" at his prom... GUILTY!!! I mean...: